


when i go its never far

by haipollai



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Road Trips, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:35:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They end up in California, Steve isn't really sure they have a reason. Just a need to be somewhere else. New York holds nothing for them anymore, just old memories lingering over them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i go its never far

They end up in California, Steve isn't really sure they have a reason. Just a need to be somewhere else. New York holds nothing for them anymore, just old memories lingering over them. It's too easy to pretend in New York and they both know that's the last thing they need. They have to move forward cause backwards will destroy them. Steve and Sam ended up in D.C. simply for convenience and Bucky was there for blood so they cross that off their list as well.

Bucky buys the old Mustang. It used to be blue but is just now somewhere around dirty. The inside isn't bad though, no mice in the seats and it runs fine. The gas mileage is shit but Steve is learning to live with having money. SHIELD dumped a lot in his bank account for the missions he did, and some extra appeared when SHIELD collapsed into the Potomac. He has a few guesses where that came from but doesn't look too closely. After what he's been through, he's willing to take it and run. There's even some in Sam's account too.

They get the car cleaned, Steve watches him scrub away at the dirt until the original blue is visible. Satisfied the thing will run, they load up with what little matters and start driving. Sam first, then Steve and back to Sam until the sun sets and they're somewhere in Illinois. Bucky stays curled up in the back, staring out into space, rubbing at his shoulder.

The guy at the motel desk gives them an odd look but hands over a key. And looking at the two beds in the room, Steve isn't sure how it's going to work. Nothing has been spoken out loud, not really. He disappears into the bathroom because he doesn't know what to say to even start the conversation. He feels like a coward standing there alone in the shower stall.

His guilt keeps him from staying in for too long. When he comes back out Bucky's curled up on one bed, his back to Steve and Sam, facing the door. Sam sets his hand softly on Steve's arm and pushes him towards the other. Steve lets Sam take lead, he knows better than Steve what to do with someone fucked over by war.

They don't drive as far the next day, deciding to go further west instead of up to Chicago. Once Steve had dreamed about seeing it, Gabe had told them stories about the city, but now he just wants to avoid people. He wants to disappear for a little while. Sam doesn't protest and Bucky dozes in the back seat. The car is loud and grumbles as it makes its way over flat highways. There's a good number of other cars, nowhere is truly empty but when Steve pulls over at a rest stop, no one else is there and the air feels sharp and fresh. Sam talks about a camp his mom sent him too, where they spent two weeks in the middle of nowhere.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Nah, I was ten. Fuck nature I wanted an Atari."

The next motel, Bucky goes inside first but Steve stays outside, watching the sky. He used to try to find the constellations, when they were in France. It was the first time he had seen so many stars. Morita had helped him, pointing out a few, some Western, some Japanese, he said his grandpa had shown him while they were in Arizona. He never spoke about Arizona.

Sam sits down beside him, pressed against him from shoulder to knee. There's a sigh and Steve isn't sure if it's him or the wind and then he's leaning in to kiss him softly. It's not their first kiss but something feels different. Maybe it's Bucky inside or it's the way the sky looms over them, the feeling that they're finally moving on. The kiss is reassurance maybe that they're going to be something and Steve grabs onto that. On the car's hood, his fingers find Sam's entwining loosely.

In bed, Sam spoons against Steve's back, his breath hot on his neck as he sleeps. Steve feels something life safe though his dreams are still haunted.

They're still lying there when Bucky wakes up the next morning. Steve doesn't know what to expect when he blinks slowly awake to see Bucky watching them. He's down to briefs, arms loosely at his side, not hiding. His eyes meet Steve's and he grins.

"What saps," he yawns and shuffles to the bathroom.

"Is he teasing us?" Sam mumbles. "Is the fucker with unwashed hair teasing us?"

"Come on, let's get breakfast." Steve smiles at the wall, feeling something shift and click and maybe it'll be ok. They never talked about it when Bucky found them, two months after the Helicarriers, looking like he hadn't slept that entire time. Steve was staying with Sam because his own place still had bullet holes in the wall and blood stains etched into the floor and he never wanted to go back. There was no question of opening the door to Bucky. He told them first he was only there to make sure Steve had survived and he simply never left. Two weeks later they were on the road.

Everything blends a little bit together as they continue on, Veering more southwest now even though it's summer and there won't be snow, Steve wants to avoid the cold. Prairie starts to give way to desert and the map puts them somewhere in Colorado. They stop in a nothing town with a name Steve doesn't remember even seeing but this time when Steve sits outside, while Sam goes to get food, Bucky lingers with him. They don't touch, and he stays seated upright while Steve lays back against the windshield.

They don't say anything, Steve doesn't know where to start but then without warning, Bucky lies down, resting his head on Steve's chest.

"Buck…" He breathes, more an exhale of surprise than any real sound. 

"Thanks for taking me."

"Of course, would never leave you."

Bucky laughs, dry and humorlessly. "You dream about me falling. I can hear it. You don't have to anymore."

"You dream about the Winter Soldier," Steve whispers back. "You don't have to anymore."

Bucky lets out a long breath, he understands. Nothing is ever that easy.

He hears the scuffle of a shoe and looks over to see Sam watching them. The sharp lights around the parking light throw strange shadows over his face but there's no jealousy or sadness. He looks pleased, as if he was hoping for this. Steve licks his lips suddenly nervous because the last thing he wants is to lose Sam, he's not sure he could give either man up for the other.

"Sleep with us tonight," Sam says, his smile never faltering. "Maybe then no more nightmares for anyone."

Bucky sits up to look at him, Steve expects he's judging Sam's sincerity. "What are yours?"

Sam holds out one of his bags for Bucky to carry so he can get out the room key. "Being grounded."

It's a tight fit, three grown men on a queen size bed and Bucky is still trying to make himself small so he can fit into any cracks they leave behind. Steve ends up shoving in between them and they fit themselves around him. The cool metal arm ends up pressed against Steve's chest and Sam's hand is on his hip and it's the best sleep Steve can remember getting.

They end up taking their time, the coast is looming closer and closer like some strange endline. They will have to chose a destination when they get there. Bucky rides up front sometimes now, though he never drives. When pushed he says he doesn't know how. Not anymore. Once Steve and Bucky raced Jeeps down the French coastline with Dernier and Gabe in the passenger seats yelling curses at each other. Now Bucky looks at the wheel with panic.

They end up finding a parking lot at an empty strip mall in Utah and Sam insists he's gotta learn the basics. Steve sits in the backseat, leaning forward as Sam instructs Bucky on the clutch and changing gears. The car stalls the first three times and each time Bucky throws himself backwards into the seat away from the wheel. But the fourth time the car comes alive and Bucky laughs while Sam and Steve cheer him on.

Bucky kisses Sam that night, Steve isn't sure if he's supposed to see. It was his turn to get food and they're outside on the car and Bucky leans into kiss him softly. It only lasts a minute but the jealousy and pain he expected doesn't come.

He makes sure to shuffle his feet as he approaches so they're not surprised. "You're still sleeping with us, right Buck?" Steve asks, trying to tell them that he saw, that he doesn't care, that he is there for them both. Sam nods in approval

"If you don't mind, slept well." Bucky smiles in relief and Steve echoes it.

Sam corners him the next morning while Steve is rearranging the trunk, Bucky is still inside and its just them for once. "What are you thinking man?" He bumps his shoulder against Steve's and without really thinking, Steve pulls him close for a kiss. Rough with emotion he's not sure how to express.

"Can it be us? All of us?"

"Hope so. He's a good man. Deserves something good." Sam grins against his mouth, nipping lightly at Steve's lower lip. "Can see what you see in him."

"You-"

"Yea, I'm awesome." He laughs and Steve shoves him into the trunk. Sam pulls him down with him and they're kissing again, on top of the suitcase designated for dirty laundry. It might not be Steve's best kiss, but it's not nearly his worst. "You sure you're good? Cause I never want to fuck us up."

"You won't. I- I don't know, but I like it. All three of us." 

"Hey-" Bucky sticks his head around the car, hair still damp from a shower and wearing only shorts. He stops when he sees them, still half in the car but then he rolls his eyes and jingles the car keys. "I want coffee. You losers ready to go?"

"All ready," Steve says, getting off of Sam and helping him up. Sam takes the keys from Bucky's hand. "Go dress like a human and check us out."

Bucky steals the keys back from him. "Stop doing inappropriate things in public and go check us out."

Steve sighs dramatically and goes to the front desk to drop off the room keys. Sam and Bucky are in the front seats when he gets back so he stretches out across the back. Bucky's driving and Sam is carefully coaching him through it as he gets up to higher speeds. Steve can hear the slight strain in the engine occasionally when Bucky lets the speed falter but they don't stall again and Sam falls silent. 

They avoid Las Vegas and Reno even though Sam jokes they should gamble at least some of the money they were given. Bucky blanches at the mention of Vegas and they drive on past. They keep driving as the sunsets until they're finally at the coast, the Pacific spread out in front of them. They're in a small town, the kind full of big houses that are only inhabited half of the year. Even in the warm weather most people are home or simply not around. Steve realizes he doesn't even know what day of the week it is.

"So now where?" Sam asks.

The sky is dark, and Steve doubts they can sleep on the beach. "Hotel," Steve answers. There's no question this night, Bucky fits himself in with them in one bed, his lips against Steve's neck, one hand clinging to one of Sam's. He slips out of bed first though, the room already full of light.

"Just stretching my legs," he assures, his fingers touching Steve's lips and then he's gone. Steve hates the voice that flares up to question _what if_ , Bucky deserves better than that. He's been good, in control, ever since he showed up on Sam's doorstep. The nightmares would come, but while awake he was Bucky Barnes. Or most of him. Steve knows there are pieces missing but that's stepping backwards and recreating who he was would only send them back. He needs Bucky now, he needs Bucky to argue with him over what movies to see, to poke fun at his fancy Starbucks order while ordering one himself.

He needs his friend and if he's missing some memories, if he jumps at shadows, Steve doesn't care, He'll be there for him.

He closes his eyes and tucks closer to Sam, feeling his arm tighten around Steve in turn, just as awake as he is. Steve almost drifts off again when the door almost bangs open and he's immediately sitting up, reaching for the shield he still keeps close. But it's only Bucky at the door with a big bright grin that falters when he sees their faces, they must look terrified.

"Fuck. Sorry. I didn't-"

Whatever he's going to say is lost when a dog jumps on Steve's lap and licks his face. Sam starts laughing but Steve is stuck staring into the face of a happy dog.

"I found him. He was lost," Bucky says. "No collar."

"We'll find a vet," Steve says. "Have him checked out."

"He might be chipped," Sam adds, reaching around Steve to scratch at his ears. "But if not, there's room. Ain't gonna leave a dog at the pound."

The dog isn't chipped, there's no mentions of a missing dog in the area. The vet gets all the paperwork for them. He's healthy, not quite a year old and he loves Bucky already. Even without a leash he stays glued to Bucky's side, yapping occasionally and bumping his nose on Bucky's knee to get his attention. Bucky looks elated. They walk down the boardwalk, trying to decide what next and Bucky's fingertips rest on the dog's head.

"Guess we'll need to settle soon," Sam says, his hand in Steve's back pocket. "Can't drag a dog all over the country with us."

"California could be good. Warm." Steve shrugs, he's starting to feel more comfortable that they'll find somewhere . They'll be ok. They spend one more day in town before all piling in the car and heading further south, until they end up somewhere outside San Diego, Bucky points out they can disappear into Mexico if they have to just in case-

His eyes stay on the dog as he talks, stumbling words that just in case they might be hunting them. Just in case the wrong person sees a man with a metal arm.

The first day there, they find a hotel that doesn't care they have a dog and go down to the beach. Bucky grabs Steve's hand and pulls him along, the dog running ahead and stopping occasionally to check they're still following. The water is surprisingly cold but Bucky pulls him down and under, they're both laughing like idiots. Steve kisses Bucky there in the surf, shivering slightly when the air hits his body. Bucky's arms wrap around his shoulders, not letting him pull away.

"You need to name the dog," Steve murmurs when the kiss ends. 

"I was gonna say something really fucking meaningful." Bucky pouts. "And you had to go ask about the dog's name." He shoves at Steve's shoulder so he catches Bucky's wrist and pulls him back against him. "Thank you," he whispers. "For sticking with me."

"Always."

They go back to Sam, sprawled over their towels with his eyes closed to the sun. "You two finished rolling around in the waves?"

"You wanna come join us?" Steve asks. Bucky doesn't give him a choice, hauling Sam up to his feet. 

They find an apartment, a place with a room that's big enough to fit all three plus the dog. They don't know if this will be permanent, if this will be home. Steve's never really had a home so doesn't know what to hope for. His home has been people and right now it's Sam and Bucky. The mustang sits outside, ready to go whenever they are. Steve expects them to need it again but there's no pressure to go.

Sam volunteers at a local VA branch and drags Bucky along with him and sometimes Steve sticks his nose into meetings. "You think there's any healing us?" Bucky whispers when they linger at the door, listening to a young man talk.

"Yes," he whispers back because there has to be hope for Bucky, Steve won't ever deny him that.


End file.
